camping

labor day weekend a few of us decided to go camping....we searched out a site and decided on one in the adirondacks....it was called limekiln lake- not far from old forge....this was my second time camping this summer and i was happy to be in the woods and unavailable to the world....

so, we arrive on our campsite and the first thing the attendant explained to me was about black bears...she warned not to leave any food out on our site, in our car, or in the tent....all food needed to go into the food locker...or as i call it, the bear locker





the thought of bear walking onto our campsite to take our food caused me not to sleep all night out first night....but in the morning we had a nice visit from a different woodland creature, which made me feel better about the bears...





Overall, the weekend was relaxing and gave me lots of time to try out my new video camera before i head to vietnam with it....here are some pictures too...

our lakea campfire-my fava view from up above

a new year begins

it's time for my second year of school to start...i can't believe my summer is gone and i am going to be heading back to class once again....

this year i was planning on taking a monday night and thursday night class....however, my monday night class is full...and the waitlist is long....so, i made plans to instead take two thursday classes...one at 4 and one at 7....it will be similar to my first semester at albany, when i had two monday classes....it means that i will be missing an afternoon of work and need to work late on the other days, but the good news is only traveling to albany once a week...

i will be taking administrative planning in higher education and survey research methods....both are with professors i have never had- which makes me nervous...but research methods is with my advisor, so that will be exciting too....the other professor i know nothing about and i am a little sad that i am not taking a class with the one professor that i feel i click well with....his class was the full one....so, i will venture off this year without him....

you maybe wondering what these two classes are all about...i also am wondering....i have already received the book listing for the survey research class- there are 8, that's right, 8 required texts....plus a list of "optional" texts which is 10 books long....i just finished ordering my 8 required, from three different sites, to get the best prices....the grand total, you maybe wondering....$340....yup....just for one class....the course description talks about how the class will help with the understanding of modern research design, including practice in developing questions, designing questionaires, and conducting "mini small scale surveys" (this part of the description came right out of the catalog)....

the administrative planning class simply states- policies to guide growth and development; applications for techiniques on decision making; using planning models....interesting....

well, thursday is my first day....and my new year will begin...

an international holiday

my birthday is pretty important to me....actually, i like to believe it's an international holiday....a day in which everyone i know, and who knows me needs to celebrate, no matter where they are...in the last few years, the international holiday has become difficult for me.

three years ago, i had an outstanding birthday....maybe one of the best i ever had....it was the first month that kristen and i would only be paying one rent, so we decided to splurg....we rented a limo, invited friends along, and went on a wine tour....it was a great day. it started with a surprise of what friends were coming and ended with two tickets to a patriots game....i cried, out of happiness, twice....

in the last three birthdays since then, my friends have been outstanding...doing everything to make the international holiday the best it could be....they have thrown parties, planned day trips and weekends, just about anything they could think of...and i love them all for it.

but the day still seems to be the hardest day each year for me to make it through....it's not just the day, but the month....august in general is a stressful month in my line of work, but this holiday makes it that much harder....i never thought my birthday would be the hardest part of my grief....the hardest holiday to make it through....it makes the missing stronger and sadness more intense....

i will continue to try and find my happiness in the international holiday, but i know it won't ever be the same

the day i became a brunette

so, about a week and a half ago i went to my hairdresser...i was in desperate need of a haircut...i enjoy my hairdresser, she is someone who lives life in an interesting little bubble...it's refreshing to talk with her for the little time that i am getting my hair done....anyway, i sit in her chair and say, "lindsey, it's out of control, we need to do something!" she gives me a scalp massage and then starts talking cut....then she starts about the color..."jen, it's time to get it done, your roots are bad." i knew they were, but there was no time to get the color done that day....during my haircut, she did her normal asking, "can i do your eyebrows? how do you feel about a perm? you have great curl, let me curl it." and she got her normal answers, "no" but we decide i will come in the next week to get the color done.

a week later i arrive for my coloring....lindsey and i had talked about it being time to bring my color closer to it's real color....this way i can go alot longer without having the dying done....i am sitting in the chair and she gets to work....while i am sitting there lindsey is telling me how she really enjoys her work because when she sees repeat customers like me, "it's like hanging out with my friends all day." and she then starts talking about those customers you just don't click with....while she is telling me this, i hear a woman in someone elses chair say, 'i think you cut alot off. it seems very short." now, let me tell you about this woman.

her hair is short....when she came in her hair barely touched her neck....short, that is the only way to describe it....before the hairdresser started the woman said, "don't take more than a 1/4 of inch off." the hairdresser is almost finish and the woman starts to have a fit about how short her hair is- just on and on about how short the hairdresser cut it....the hairdresser insisted she didn't take more than a 1/4 inch off, and even picked up some of the cut off hair (which was hard to do) and showed the woman on the comb that it wasn't any more than she asked....but for the next 10 minutes the woman went on...the owner came over and did her best to calm the customer down, but the woman could not get over the shortness....this is when lindsey turned me around in the chair, pretended to be doing some dying around my face and said, "that is one of those b***chy ones."

after the woman left another customer said to the hairdresser- "it looked good and didn't seem like you cut anything off it." anyway, it was time to rinse and see my new hair...lindsey turned me around in my chair and i said, "wow, it looks black." she assured me that once it was dry it would not look that way....but that it is the color of my natural hair....she dried it and it was lighter than black, but still i am definately a brunette again...

and so it goes....

so, this past week we hosted the annual conference for the regional organization that i am a party of....it was an experience like no other....but for the first time in a while, i felt like our organization found it's groove again....a few years ago we seemed to have lost our "magic"....the feeling i always had was one of being with family, like at a big family reunion....this year, it felt like that again....this was a great experience....

i decided to spend the week living on campus, instead driving to my house each night....i wasn't sure if it would be the right thing to do, but now i am very glad i did....i was at ease with knowing i could go somewhere to get away for a minute if i needed to and i didn't worry about socializing too late in the night....

the big thing is that my official term as president-elect started at the end of the conference....the first time i had to say it out loud, it felt funny....lots of people asked me all week if i was ready....and the honest answer is no....it's so strange to think that this is truly happening...that i am going to be looked to for leadership within the organization....if anyone had said to me 6 years ago when i was first on the executive board that i would be here now, i would have laughed at them....as a matter of fact, i believe i laughed at people who would suggest it, even when i was running....

i had a conversation with a past president one night....she was one of my presidents....and i was saying to her how in my time i have seen each president leave their "thing" behind....something they did to move our organization forward....and i just didn't know if i would have a thing....i could only hope that i have something that i leave behind....i think this next year will be quite an adventure for me....

but the best part of the whole week was catching up with all those people i don't get to see....my neacuho friends....those people who i might not talk to but once a year, but i can't wait to see them each year.....and of course, catching up with those friends who i do see regularly but not for such an extended period of time....i was able to make some new connections this year, a lot of which were with people on my own campus.....i loved every conversation, every tear, every secret shared....

and so, until annuals comes again, i will miss those times....but i appreciate every memory that was made.

what happens when it's time to close

i was recently at one of my favorite programs of the year, called breakfast by moonlight. it happens on the monday of finals week, basically the dining hall serves late night breakfast and the rd staff does some games and gives away prizes...it's just a nice end of the semester celebration and everyone seems to enjoy it....

even though i am not in newing anymore, i still love the program and attended both semesters...this past monday, i found myself there once again, hanging out with the staff and students....one of the events that happened at breakfast by moonlight was the passing of the newing navy plaque from last year's winners to this year winners...so, it went from endicott to chenango...it was nice and the chenango students were very happy to be crowned the new champs....

at the end of the night, i was one of the last people to leave the dining hall...i turned around and saw sitting on the table was the plaque...the new champs had forgotten the prize possession...so, i picked it up, didn't want it to fall into the wrong hands...or to walk away, never to be seen again....the new boss lady of newing knew i had it...and i decided i would do a little adventure with the plaque...

i set up an email account to send the rd of the winning building emails from the plaque...the first said, "i am was left behind, so i decided to take an adventure...don't worry i will be back soon." then the next email to her had this picture in it...


this is the plaque driving the gem car, it's first destination was hillside










while in hillside, the plaque stop for a visit in the office and then to play a little pool....











after the pool, a walk in the nature preserve seemed appropriate





and then it took the chance to take a rest on a bench and take in the scenery...
after taking in the scenery...it was time to head home...

but first the plaque wanted to visit each of the areas....

after checking out each area, the plaque decided it was best to be in newing...where it belonged









thanks b for being a good sport! :)

exhausted....

the end is near....it's been a month since i have written and it's mostly because of the exhaustion i feel....and the stress...and the overwhelming feelings that just don't seem to go away.....but i feel the end coming...

in the last month school has seemed to taken over my life....lots of things have been due, lots of presentations....last week i had my last tuesday class, but still have one more thing due in two weeks....i have my last monday class tomorrow, with my final presentation due....the hope is it all goes smoothly...

as for other things, my first pet, tater got very, very sick....he started acting a little funny...he went to the vet...the vet said, "oh, i think he is just mad at you, since he seems to not be in pain." he gave me some instructions, i followed them....tater seemed to be okay other than his wierd behavior...then this past week i came home and there he laid...he wouldn't get up, he growled at me, and he was just not himself....i called the vet...he made me press on tater's abdomen...no reaction, so he tells me to call this other vet the next morning.....i call first thing and bring tater in....he is in bad shape...bad, bad shape....the vet tells me what needs to be done and i start to cry....she explains that if i can't pay, they can set up a payment plan...i look at her through my tears and explain- it's not the money....so, tater has to stay until saturday....

the emotions i feel for this one little kitty is overwhelming....some of my co-workers and friends kid me about how my animals are my kids....and i guess i realized how much they really are like my own little children...now, i don't want you all to think i am some crazy cat lady, but really, i thought that if i lost tater it would be difficult....how would bella be? and would jack even notice? but really, what would it be like for me....tater was the first other i have lived with harmoniously....he greets me at the door every day when i come home....it would be difficult...

i am happy to report that my baby is recovering nicely....he has a feline disease that he has always had, but has now come out....and he will always be on a special diet....but he is better...

i also have been thinking more and more about my grief....i was talking to a friend recently who told me that you don't ever get over the grief, you just learn to live through it....and i think more everyday that it is true....the pain i have felt since Oct 2006 has not eased...i just have learned to manage it better.....and there are some days that i just wish that it wasn't the management of it, but more the healing of it....but i can't figure out the healing....i have done the things people have said i should do- gone on retreats, seen counselors, reading books....but it's just management of feelings....and there are times when i just can't seem to manage all the feelings, especially lately....

two different couples i know got engaged in the last month....i am happy for them both and their love and happiness is beautiful....it's a struggle at times to keep it all together...to not feel like i missed out on my beautiful happiness....i recently was talking to one of them about what we did to remember kristen and her dad at her brother's wedding....and i almost lost it...the management almost failed me....

there is something about the end of the school year that makes me miss kristen more....i think it's the thought of another year ending, another year of life having happened without her....it's the thought of all that i tried to accomplish and all that she wasn't here for me to tell her about...or react to...or just talk me through it....another thing that makes the management difficult.

so, what i know is that i am exhausted....mostly from trying to manage it all....i need a break...if you have suggestions, i am listening.