a curse

so, a few years ago one of my rd's had said to me, "i think newing is cursed." and he was dead serious....he had said it must be true because of all the crazy things that had happened to the people there, since he had been there....let me give you a recap....

my first year in newing, one of my rd's lost her mother....unexpectedly and sudden.....my second year in newing, i lost my kristen and then my grandfather....and i had two other rd's lose grandparents (including the one that was convinced we were cursed).....also, that year another staff member had lost a very close family friend in a business transaction gone bad....in the third year, not too much happened- or if i did, i have put it out of my mind...

i would like to take this all one step further....i beleive that binghamton is cursed...maybe just for me and my friends...but i think it is....i feel like i live in this crazy, strange world, where lots of loss happens and i don't understand any of it....

i say this because yesterday (monday) one of my very good friends here lost her sister.....her 33 year old sister....they have no idea what happened or why she is gone....but she is...i remember this nightmare from almost 3 years ago....the phone call, the confusion....the not understanding why it's happening....what the hell did we do? it's not like this is the first thing that has happened in three years...

another friend is in the process of losing a relationship....i just listen to it and can't understand why this would happen to her.....it doesn't make sense....why something that seemed good, turns on it's head....and she isn't the only one...in the last six months there has just been break up after break up....i do wonder what the hell is in the water....

and i know the list goes on....but really, why does anyone, who is healthy, lose their life at 27 or 33....the same cursed RD once said to me, "jen, grandparents are supposed to die. not the others." so, i ask, why the others then...what is it about? why do the rest of us have to suffer through these things....why are any of us asked to find the strength to get through....and when does one stop finding the strength?

i have this incredible group of friends who for our young ages have experienced too much death...parents, partners, siblings, friends....friends who have experienced illnesses with family...taking care of a young parent, cancer.....i just don't get it....and maybe we found each other for a reason....maybe we are supposed to be each other's strengths....but really, i think we need a break....