the day i became a brunette

so, about a week and a half ago i went to my hairdresser...i was in desperate need of a haircut...i enjoy my hairdresser, she is someone who lives life in an interesting little bubble...it's refreshing to talk with her for the little time that i am getting my hair done....anyway, i sit in her chair and say, "lindsey, it's out of control, we need to do something!" she gives me a scalp massage and then starts talking cut....then she starts about the color..."jen, it's time to get it done, your roots are bad." i knew they were, but there was no time to get the color done that day....during my haircut, she did her normal asking, "can i do your eyebrows? how do you feel about a perm? you have great curl, let me curl it." and she got her normal answers, "no" but we decide i will come in the next week to get the color done.

a week later i arrive for my coloring....lindsey and i had talked about it being time to bring my color closer to it's real color....this way i can go alot longer without having the dying done....i am sitting in the chair and she gets to work....while i am sitting there lindsey is telling me how she really enjoys her work because when she sees repeat customers like me, "it's like hanging out with my friends all day." and she then starts talking about those customers you just don't click with....while she is telling me this, i hear a woman in someone elses chair say, 'i think you cut alot off. it seems very short." now, let me tell you about this woman.

her hair is short....when she came in her hair barely touched her neck....short, that is the only way to describe it....before the hairdresser started the woman said, "don't take more than a 1/4 of inch off." the hairdresser is almost finish and the woman starts to have a fit about how short her hair is- just on and on about how short the hairdresser cut it....the hairdresser insisted she didn't take more than a 1/4 inch off, and even picked up some of the cut off hair (which was hard to do) and showed the woman on the comb that it wasn't any more than she asked....but for the next 10 minutes the woman went on...the owner came over and did her best to calm the customer down, but the woman could not get over the shortness....this is when lindsey turned me around in the chair, pretended to be doing some dying around my face and said, "that is one of those b***chy ones."

after the woman left another customer said to the hairdresser- "it looked good and didn't seem like you cut anything off it." anyway, it was time to rinse and see my new hair...lindsey turned me around in my chair and i said, "wow, it looks black." she assured me that once it was dry it would not look that way....but that it is the color of my natural hair....she dried it and it was lighter than black, but still i am definately a brunette again...

and so it goes....

so, this past week we hosted the annual conference for the regional organization that i am a party of....it was an experience like no other....but for the first time in a while, i felt like our organization found it's groove again....a few years ago we seemed to have lost our "magic"....the feeling i always had was one of being with family, like at a big family reunion....this year, it felt like that again....this was a great experience....

i decided to spend the week living on campus, instead driving to my house each night....i wasn't sure if it would be the right thing to do, but now i am very glad i did....i was at ease with knowing i could go somewhere to get away for a minute if i needed to and i didn't worry about socializing too late in the night....

the big thing is that my official term as president-elect started at the end of the conference....the first time i had to say it out loud, it felt funny....lots of people asked me all week if i was ready....and the honest answer is no....it's so strange to think that this is truly happening...that i am going to be looked to for leadership within the organization....if anyone had said to me 6 years ago when i was first on the executive board that i would be here now, i would have laughed at them....as a matter of fact, i believe i laughed at people who would suggest it, even when i was running....

i had a conversation with a past president one night....she was one of my presidents....and i was saying to her how in my time i have seen each president leave their "thing" behind....something they did to move our organization forward....and i just didn't know if i would have a thing....i could only hope that i have something that i leave behind....i think this next year will be quite an adventure for me....

but the best part of the whole week was catching up with all those people i don't get to see....my neacuho friends....those people who i might not talk to but once a year, but i can't wait to see them each year.....and of course, catching up with those friends who i do see regularly but not for such an extended period of time....i was able to make some new connections this year, a lot of which were with people on my own campus.....i loved every conversation, every tear, every secret shared....

and so, until annuals comes again, i will miss those times....but i appreciate every memory that was made.

what happens when it's time to close

i was recently at one of my favorite programs of the year, called breakfast by moonlight. it happens on the monday of finals week, basically the dining hall serves late night breakfast and the rd staff does some games and gives away prizes...it's just a nice end of the semester celebration and everyone seems to enjoy it....

even though i am not in newing anymore, i still love the program and attended both semesters...this past monday, i found myself there once again, hanging out with the staff and students....one of the events that happened at breakfast by moonlight was the passing of the newing navy plaque from last year's winners to this year winners...so, it went from endicott to chenango...it was nice and the chenango students were very happy to be crowned the new champs....

at the end of the night, i was one of the last people to leave the dining hall...i turned around and saw sitting on the table was the plaque...the new champs had forgotten the prize possession...so, i picked it up, didn't want it to fall into the wrong hands...or to walk away, never to be seen again....the new boss lady of newing knew i had it...and i decided i would do a little adventure with the plaque...

i set up an email account to send the rd of the winning building emails from the plaque...the first said, "i am was left behind, so i decided to take an adventure...don't worry i will be back soon." then the next email to her had this picture in it...


this is the plaque driving the gem car, it's first destination was hillside










while in hillside, the plaque stop for a visit in the office and then to play a little pool....











after the pool, a walk in the nature preserve seemed appropriate





and then it took the chance to take a rest on a bench and take in the scenery...
after taking in the scenery...it was time to head home...

but first the plaque wanted to visit each of the areas....

after checking out each area, the plaque decided it was best to be in newing...where it belonged









thanks b for being a good sport! :)

exhausted....

the end is near....it's been a month since i have written and it's mostly because of the exhaustion i feel....and the stress...and the overwhelming feelings that just don't seem to go away.....but i feel the end coming...

in the last month school has seemed to taken over my life....lots of things have been due, lots of presentations....last week i had my last tuesday class, but still have one more thing due in two weeks....i have my last monday class tomorrow, with my final presentation due....the hope is it all goes smoothly...

as for other things, my first pet, tater got very, very sick....he started acting a little funny...he went to the vet...the vet said, "oh, i think he is just mad at you, since he seems to not be in pain." he gave me some instructions, i followed them....tater seemed to be okay other than his wierd behavior...then this past week i came home and there he laid...he wouldn't get up, he growled at me, and he was just not himself....i called the vet...he made me press on tater's abdomen...no reaction, so he tells me to call this other vet the next morning.....i call first thing and bring tater in....he is in bad shape...bad, bad shape....the vet tells me what needs to be done and i start to cry....she explains that if i can't pay, they can set up a payment plan...i look at her through my tears and explain- it's not the money....so, tater has to stay until saturday....

the emotions i feel for this one little kitty is overwhelming....some of my co-workers and friends kid me about how my animals are my kids....and i guess i realized how much they really are like my own little children...now, i don't want you all to think i am some crazy cat lady, but really, i thought that if i lost tater it would be difficult....how would bella be? and would jack even notice? but really, what would it be like for me....tater was the first other i have lived with harmoniously....he greets me at the door every day when i come home....it would be difficult...

i am happy to report that my baby is recovering nicely....he has a feline disease that he has always had, but has now come out....and he will always be on a special diet....but he is better...

i also have been thinking more and more about my grief....i was talking to a friend recently who told me that you don't ever get over the grief, you just learn to live through it....and i think more everyday that it is true....the pain i have felt since Oct 2006 has not eased...i just have learned to manage it better.....and there are some days that i just wish that it wasn't the management of it, but more the healing of it....but i can't figure out the healing....i have done the things people have said i should do- gone on retreats, seen counselors, reading books....but it's just management of feelings....and there are times when i just can't seem to manage all the feelings, especially lately....

two different couples i know got engaged in the last month....i am happy for them both and their love and happiness is beautiful....it's a struggle at times to keep it all together...to not feel like i missed out on my beautiful happiness....i recently was talking to one of them about what we did to remember kristen and her dad at her brother's wedding....and i almost lost it...the management almost failed me....

there is something about the end of the school year that makes me miss kristen more....i think it's the thought of another year ending, another year of life having happened without her....it's the thought of all that i tried to accomplish and all that she wasn't here for me to tell her about...or react to...or just talk me through it....another thing that makes the management difficult.

so, what i know is that i am exhausted....mostly from trying to manage it all....i need a break...if you have suggestions, i am listening.

it happened here

back in the spring of 1999 i was sitting in my office in dravo....a student walked in, looking distraught but seemed to be unable to speak....i sit her in a chair and she starts to cry uncontrollably....i asked some questions, what happened? are you hurt? is someone else hurt? she tried and tried to pull herself together....but all she could choke out is- i can't get thru....i ask, to who? then my office phone rings...it's one of my ra's telling me that something terrible has happened in colorado...had i seen the news? no, i hadn't seen the news, i had been working all day...and back then we weren't that connected to anything....the ra then said she was looking for one of her residents who was from colorado and she wanted to make sure that the resident wasn't from that area...i said, come to my office now.

that resident had lost a brother and some favorite teachers in columbine....she eventually told me that she couldn't get through to her family to find out what was happening....we got her on a plane as soon as possible...it was such a sad day...but i thought, "i am thankful it didn't happen here."

i think that a lot as i watch the news or hear about terrible tragedies, like columbine, Virginia Tech, Oklahoma City....i think, i live in a sleepy city....i have always lived in sleepy cities...places that you couldn't imagine the unimaginable...until it happens...

on friday it happened here...i was not in the area when it all happened....as a matter of fact i didn't know it happened until lunch time, when i turned on my cell phone again....i had been presenting all morning...a good friend had called to say a shooting happened in binghamton....myself and another friend thought she was wrong...it must be birmingham...not binghamton...because it couldn't happen here. but we were wrong and she was right...it was binghamton...

14 people lost their lives...13 of them were innocent...13 were going about their normal day....13 people who woke up assuming it was just going to be a friday....maybe they were thinking about their plans for the weekend...the 14th person, made the plans....it's scary to think that it happened here...the unimaginable...the unthinkable...the "that could never happen here" happened here.

circus de ole and where's bob?

this past week in class we were talking about "Blue oceans." blue oceans are untapped ideas that people make into money....one that was mentioned in our reading was the cirque du soleil...it was interesting to read about their beginnings and the creator...but what was most fun, was my professor...he kept saying in class, "circus de ole" and i thought for sure i was hearing things...there was no way he was saying that....so, i turned to my classmate and said, "do you hear that?" and she giggles and says, "yes" and then i giggle...and the professor keeps on saying, "let's think of ideas like the circus de ole" and no one corrected him....we all just giggled.

in my tuesday class we figured out who would win the ncaa tournament based on athlete graduation rates....the final would come down to dayton and duke...and duke would just edge out dayton....it'a very interesting to see how athlete graduation rates are figured out....and how they are broken down...in men's basketball it's between african americans and whites....and it's only those who actually stay....so, if you happen to have been on the basketball team in november and then all of a sudden you are off the team in february, you don't count toward graduation rates....it's just another way in which statistics prove nothing. (my stats teacher from the fall would be proud).

now, where is bob? this is a question i received today at barnes and noble...i have not been there in a while to study, but today i decided to give it a try....my table was in an interesting spot, it was a high table near low tables...and there was alot happening....first, there was a young woman who was approached by a young man...they knew each other but had not seen each other in a while....it started as an interesting conversation- "how old are you now?" this was him asking her....my ears perked right up-why not? obviously he was checking to make sure she was old enough to get into her pants....well, this is what i assumed...the conversation went on about where she has traveled to, where she wants to go to college, and what he has been up to (he goes to UAlbany)....she is a senior at Vestal...then the conversation turns to prop 8...my ears really perk up....she then explains to him that she is the president of the GSA...i am impressed...she continues about how prop 8 is wrong, etc...this all ends with her giving him her phone number....she will learn.

then two gay boys come sit at the low table near me....and i get hear their escapades from the night before...not anything i want to hear...i do my best to ignore, but i am like big brother over them....so, it's hard to ignore...but back to bob....so alex follows me into barnes and noble...you might remember alex from other blogs...he wanders around talking to himself...today was no different, except he came up to me and said, "where's bob? did you see where he went?" i looked at him, wide-eyed....i am stunned that he is talking directly to me...i am more stunned that he is looking for someone specific....then before i can say anything, bob comes up to him and walks him to a table...there was a bob...and bob seemed to be having a conversation with alex....i was impressed....later in the night alex's phone rang and he yelled, "MOM! I AM WITH MY FRIENDS. I AM NOT COMING HOME!" this is when i decided to leave....no one needs a mad alex...that might turn into a circus de ole...

hand dryer

this week when i was at school, i went into the bathroom before i left for home...always a good idea so i don't have to stop on scary 88 anywhere to pee....anyway, i do my business, wash my hands, and turn around for paper towels and i see this....





so, after my moment of confusion, i read the sign....you basically stick your hands in between the wall and this device...it turns on and drys them..quickly...it was awesome...and so environmentally friendly...it made my day